When The Dragon Needs To Roar

I recently went on a Facebook hiatus. It was necessary. I spent five or more years dodging bullets from keyboard warriors across the globe. I realized I was no longer responding, but reacting. I think, at some point, I became so entirely exhausted that I did not have the energy to step back and see how it was all affecting me or how I was contributing to the problem. I liken it to putting a band-aid on a wound, and I kept tearing off the band-aid before I was completely healed. The wound just kept getting more sore and angry.

I had put myself out to the public so much that I lost who I was completely. I took on other people's opinions and beliefs and questioned my own. I began blaming everyone else for this too. Make no mistake, this is not a one-sided story. The opinions, beliefs, projections and words of others impacted me in such a horrible way. Yet I do understand without a doubt that this is a two-way street and I did not do my best to uphold my own integrity. I wanted to play "nice" with everyone and this, I believe, is where the virus began to fester. I am an idealist. I always thought everyone had the best intentions and that deep down, those who were rude to me were really hurting inside and that I had to forgive them and send them love. What kind of spiritual person would I be if I lashed out or corrected someone when they were clearly in their own wounding and coming from that place? What I did not see or understand is that they were bringing out my own wounding in me too. So I guess I should thank them for the lessons.

I don't think there is any secret that I do hold some contempt for false and toxic spiritual beliefs and I see now how some of these beliefs absolutely contributed to my overwhelm. I will continue to practice in integrity. I will continue to send love to those who are clearly hurting or don't know any better. This includes myself. I am not perfect and I never claimed to be. Yet this time around, I am letting people know when they hurt me. I will call people out when they are being inappropriate. I will delete people even if I think it will cause a riff with others. I have shown people how they are able to treat me by my actions -- and my actions were telling them that they could step all over me. I confess that I have some fear about my new boundaries. Some people are not going to like the new version of me. Then I realized that this will most likely be the group of people that have taken advantage of my niceness. I can stand to lose them. It will be okay.

So I made a "Declaration of Independence for Angie" and here it goes:

People who will not make it long on my new wall:

1. People who direct/private message me through Messenger to complain about something I post.

These will be the first to go – hands down. Keep your thoughts to yourself. If you don’t like something, please just scroll by and resist the urge to contact me to insert your own negative comments. I always welcome healthy debate, but too many times, the way people word things, they don't even realize just how condescending they are being. I can disagree with you and still respect you and your views. Please do the same for me. I don't need everyone's two cents because at the end of the day, I'd end up with enough to buy my dreams.

2. People who will only comment to say something negative. If you can’t be with me through my good moments, you have no say in the bad either.

3. Those who are CONSISTENLY triggered by what I post. Since you won’t leave, I will give you the courtesy of removing you myself. This goes out to those of you (and you know who you are and exactly what you are doing) that will read a post and create your own post two seconds later in direct opposition to what I just said because … well, I most likely triggered you in some sort of way. I agree to not do the same back to you. This doesn’t mean people always have to agree with me. This just means that those of you that do this REPEATEDLY are not here to support me at all. Why SHOULD I keep you around? You are just here to snoop around and see what I’ll post next. I refuse to give you one more ounce of my thoughts or energy.

4. Those that have a problem with the fact that I don’t have my real photo on my Facebook account. I’m tired of hearing it. Get over yourself. It’s silly. There is a reason why I do this. I converse in a lot of groups and it keeps away the crazies and pervs. Besides, you know who I am and know what I look like. If you don’t, does it matter? Not to mention I have photos in my bio and I do videos all the time. This is just more anal-retentive projection that I just don't have the time to discuss anymore.

5. Grammar Nazis – Guess what? I don’t care. I was a secondary English major. Sometimes I purposely use improper language just to show that you don’t have to be perfect all the time. ;)

6. Makeup Nazis - Please don't even THINK about reaching out to me to tell me that I didn't have enough makeup on for my last video or that I looked pale or sick. Yes, this happened -- quite a bit. One, I don't care. Two, I was born a redhead. I'm pale. Three, I am not doing these videos for a beauty blog. You are missing the point.

7. Rude/extreme polititians, religious zealots and vegans who cannot accept that other people have different opinions, beliefs and points of view. You came to the wrong place by friending me as I have no interest in supporting any of those behaviors.

8. Askholes– People who are always asking me for help, but refuse to schedule a real service with me. I love helping people. I truly do. But there comes a time where energy and time are taken advantage of. I have spent HOURS with certain individuals when I add all of our conversations up in total. Not to mention, askholes will ask for help and rarely follow it anyway. I will not be here to pick up the pieces when you fall down again by wasting more time giving you advice that you will never follow anyway.

What’s New:

1. If you are going to dish it out, I will give it right back to you. I’m matching energies now. You can frown upon that all you want. I have learned the best lessons from those who have done this to me. So if you don’t like how I am treating you, take a look at how you may have treated me. One, I want you to know how it feels to get what you are giving. Someone has to teach you. I don’t mind being that person for a blip in time. 2. I won’t think twice about it afterwards. I have others things to worry about and will move on faster than you cannot say you’re sorry. It works for me in creating and maintaining the boundaries I need. I’ll send you love and I will even look at myself to make sure it is not coming from my own actions/words, like I always did, but I’m not going to roll over and just allow horrible behavior anymore.

2. I am done defending myself. I realize now that I wasted so much time doing this and this was my own wounding feeling the need that I had to do it. People will continue to disagree and nit-pick at every little thing I say and misinterpret me in a negative way. I have to wonder if this is just part of my purpose. I can post something on my wall and get days of nasty comments and someone else can post the same thing and get kudos from the same crowd. I use social media to get you to look at things in a different way. I'm not sure everyone understands that. I offer new or differing information. Those who cannot think outside the box or accept what is told to them by mainstream media and life in general have a really hard time on my page. I get it. I really do. But take it or leave it. I don't understand those who feel the need to not only disagree, but to continue to try to prove me wrong. I honestly do not care who is right and wrong. In my mind, everyone is right and wrong at all times. I’m done trying to persuade you otherwise. Whatever it is about me that triggers you, I honor you and your beliefs, even if you do not honor mine. I have realized that silence is the best weapon sometimes. You win – there, you happy? Now, we can move on. I feel like this is a never-ending contest between two wounded people -- one with ego issues and then me, who feels this need to defend for validation. Well, news breaker. I'm healing -- and I'm not falling for it anymore.

3. I am done being sweet and innocent. I have tried to "love and light" my way through life the past few years and I can honestly say that it has not served me well at all. It is not who I am. I honor those who are and who can actually live that way authentically. For me, it feels icky because it is not who I am. This does not mean I am a negative person. It does not mean that I have any more work to do than the next person. It means that I see and feel things differently and process them differently. I know, and always knew, that my purpose is dealing in the darkness and transmuting it. Why did I try going against my own purpose for so long? So -- if you don't like discussing or facing the darkness, I understand. Please know now that I do and will continue to do so. I absolutely understand if you want to leave -- I would rather you go than to stick around and frown at my work because believe it or not, I can actually feel that energy on my wall. I have my tribe and will continue to gather my tribe that also work in the darkness to serve the light. Those are the people I want by my side. Or - if you work in the light, you understand that the darkness is necessary too. We are all ON THE SAME TEAM! What I cannot continue to do is to keep people that do not understand me because it is not my job to change your mind about who I really am. You have already made up your mind. Nothing I can do or say will change that.

4. I am human. I think spiritual people get lumped into this false sense of identity that we must always be "on" and be perfect. Even more so if you are a business owner or have some sort of role in the community, no matter how small. I refuse to wear a mask. I have tried. I could post the perfect things to say, pretend that I am always happy and balanced, show you that I am beyond my own limitations and that I have it all together. But I would be lying and I simply cannot do that. Those that really truly know me know that I am always working on myself. I am very aware of how a lot of my own work needs to come into play throughout this process. I have learned mechanisms of defense over 43 years. I will not get over them overnight.

What I want is support. I don't think it's wrong of me to want that or to look for it in new places. I'm starting with myself first. But it never hurts to have back-up to get you to that higher level. With that, I am hoping the negative energies will drop off. This is just more self-love coming up in all different kinds of ways.

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