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Shedding Light on My Darkness


It seemed fitting for me to write about this during a time when Saturn and Pluto are both paying a huge role in our daily energy. Both are energies that play upon our own personal shadows. I personally find comfort in the dark. I always have. I have no fear there, whether that be facing my own shadows, the collective's demons, or facing what needs to be transmuted. This is where I feel powerful. This is where I feel myself. This is where I feel I am meant to shine my light. For so long, I have been shamed for being a bit on the "dark" side. I'm not your hippie type of girl with a smile on her face and flowers in her hair. I wish I could be, but that is just not who I am. However, I am starting to honor that the serious, power-gazing self of my darkness is needed on this plane of existence, simply because we need more people who are willing to honor this part of themselves and to hold that for the collective. Most people who are "truly dark" are dark because of their negative emotions of rage, hate, contempt, and any other negative emotion you can think of. A dark worker takes love, compassion, understanding, and patience into the darkness. Because you cannot fight darkness with more darkness. You have to send someone in there who can raise the vibration of the darkness and bring it back to the light. Being dark does not mean you have any less light than the happiest, sunshiniest person standing next to you at the spiritual buffet. It simply means that you hold a different frequency, and for different purposes ... that's it.


Do you think anyone told Hekate she wasn't as powerful as Aphrodite? Do you think anyone told the Morrigan that she was a bad person because she represented the dark half of humanity? No, they were revered and honored for their purpose of holding the duality of mankind. We aren't here to transcend duality. We are here to INTEGRATE it. And we cannot integrate it if we ignore one whole half of it. Claiming myself to be dark does not make me dark all the time. It does not make me negative. It does not make me wounded. Granted, my wounds have given me the courage to become the archetype that I am. It just means I prefer to work in that realm more than the other. Dark does also not mean that I do not carry light. There are so many hurtful, and incorrect assumptions when this topic is brought up.


"You'll outgrow it once you heal." I've heard this one before. As if my love of the dark is being led by my wounds. I can see how that would be a common misconception from the outside looking in and for many who have healed their wounds, yes, they turned away from the dark. Then, I think there are some of us that are not attracted to the dark because of our wounds, but because our soul purpose is to be there -- holding the light there and transmuting it for the ascension of the planet as a whole. Because, what Heylal once told me was that he was waiting for us humans to heal ourselves so that he could rise once again, into the light, with the rest of humanity. He needs us to stop being afraid of the shadows. Humans have demonized so many things with our own consciousness through purposeful programming. If we continue to ignore the shadows or be afraid of them, we will never integrate them, and we will never transcend past the duality consciousness. Our twisted system will continue to thrive the way it is.


I don't think it is any coincidence I was born with a Pisces Sun and a Pisces Moon, the shadow realm of the zodiac. I don't think it is any coincidence I was born on a cusp, or had six planets in retrograde on the day of my birth, all signs of shadow work. I don't think it is any coincidence that almost ALL of my guides are darker in nature: Hekate, Persephone, Lilith, Haylal, Anubis, Kali, and Shiva the Destroyer. Others have said these guides have come to me because I am already in a dark place. False. Heylal, who delivered the most beautiful message I have ever received, came to me at a time when I was at the highest I have ever been. They have told me that they come to me because I can handle it. It someone who only works in the light had for example, Heylal, come through in a dream, they may easily freak out and only add fear to the experience.


Is it any wonder I am drawn to the night, but more the stars in the sky? The light shines in the darkness, making the light that much brighter. Is it any wonder Astrea came to me, her crown of stars shining in the darkness? Is it any wonder I see my ancient feet dancing around fires in the darkness? This is where my power lies. I no longer care to hide it. I no longer care to be ashamed of it. I no longer to care to listen to anyone who tries to persuade me that this is not a part of who I am, but is a part of my wounds. Darkness does not equate to wounding. Darkness does not equate to shame. Darkness is powerful. It is the source of creation, birth, magic, and mystery. Why do we persist in continuing to label it as something negative? Until we stop this dynamic, we continue to push the duality consciousness of man - of good and bad, wrong and right, negative and positive, good and evil. No one shames anyone else for "being in the light" all day. If that is their path, they honor. We honor it. Why can we not do the same for the those who work in the dark? What is the difference? As long as both sides are actively being worked on to be healed within ourselves and within the collective, it should not matter where one resides.

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