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Creating Boundaries by Working Through Resentment


I've been on a mission to get my health back on track for quite some time. I confess, I got a bit off-track in 2020. It was really hard during COVID, especially in the beginning, because I had a hard time finding the food I needed to move forward with the diet I had been working on. That's back on, and part of my journey for 2021.


However, what I WAS able to do for most of last year was to work on OTHER reasons my body was constantly in an inflammation cycle. What I had found is that STRESS and my EMOTIONS were causing such havoc that I really had to sit down with both of them. The sources of stress were easy to find. I'm taking the necessary steps to rid myself of what is causing the stress, and finding ways to cope in a healthy way until those steps come into full fruition. I have a 20-step multi-faceted plan. LOL :) While everyone wants me to "just quit the job" and "move out of the city," it's not that simple and does not reflect reality ... at least not MY reality. I had to come to a place of acceptance of my circumstances and how they would play a role in my growth plan. Those steps I have put into place need to be honored in order to make a HEALTHY transition and not a transition coming out of fear or desperation.


Now on to the emotions ... they with were not as easy to pinpoint. When I feel "stuck" in processing something, I ask myself one main question. "What ONE concept or word are you feeling right now?" Even if I am feeling many, I force myself to narrow it down to ONE emotion and start from there. My answer was loud and resounding. RESENTMENT. I have worked on this feeling before, but since the last time I worked on it, a lot had been added. Clearly, I am still healing the original wound, which is too long to go into in a blog, but trust me when I say that those who struggle with resentment being a constant in their lives ... it is usually tied to childhood ... another story for another day.


Resentment is such a huge energy drain. It means you can't say no when you need to and then you end up resenting others for it. The fact is, we cannot blame anyone but ourselves when it comes to resentment. If we cannot say no because we are carrying fear, that means we have boundary issues. So, as with all things that I do, I share my struggle so that others may be ignited in healing themselves as well. I recently saw a quote on Facebook that spoke to my soul. "I recover loudly so that others don't have to suffer quietly."

Here is the list I came up with in creating boundaries and understanding where all of my energy drains are coming from. The sad part is that this is only half of it, but perhaps it will open some eyes to see how we give away our power every single day. If you are overly sensitive, an empath, and have a history of boundary issues, your list may be even longer. These are just examples I am sharing to help you get started on your own list. I have found this exercise incredibly helpful thus far. I got really picky and down to the nitty-gritty on this list too and it helped me to see just how much I let things slide. The little things add up in the energy drain! Are you guilty of any of these?


HOW TO STOP ALLOWING ENERGY DRAINS IN MY LIFE

  1. Stop responding to texts and messages when you are tired. They can wait.

  2. Stop expending more energy than you can in friendships because they need constant validation. Start seeing that this is not on you or your problem.

  3. Stop responding to those who clearly are not respecting your time. If someone wants something from you, whether with the business or in personal life, they should be able to tell you if they want something without having to play a cat-and-mouse game. Start seeing that you don't have to "pull teeth" and do all of the work to figure out what someone wants.

  4. Stop feeling guilty for asking for help. You are NOT a nag!

  5. Stop feeling guilty for saying, "No, I need more help than that. What you did is not enough." Start seeing that you deserve equal treatment with what you also give.

  6. Stop feeling guilty for also sitting back every now and then. Start seeing that you deserve to sit every now and then while someone else does it all. God knows, this happens to you every day in some capacity.

  7. Stop feeling guilty for setting boundaries with family, clients, and friends. You are NOT a bad person. You would not have set boundaries in the first place if there wasn't an issue. Those who respect you will also respect your boundaries.

  8. Stop giving up or giving in when no one helps you after you've asked for it. You were not meant to "do it all yourself." This is also a trauma response. This is why you are so tired. Giving in and not speaking up when you need more help makes you tired physically, as well as emotionally, because you don't feel seen, heard, or supported. This is another childhood wound you are perpetuating. ASK FOR SUPPORT! If you don't get it, maybe you are with the wrong people.

  9. Stop giving total strangers on FB your energy or worry. If they are already overstepping boundaries, do you really want them as a client anyway?

  10. Stop letting impatient or pushy energies overtake your calm nature. Let them wait. Impatience is THEIR problem, not yours.

  11. Stop letting extroverts make you feel like you are a wallflower. You don't have to be speaking 24/7 to be valuable. You don't have to be loud to be heard. It's okay to go into projects and not be "fast and furious" about it. Go at your own pace.

  12. Word people. Let them be word people. It's okay if you're not a word person. You know your heart and intentions behind what you say. You don't have to dissect and deconstruct every word you speak -- especially if you find that exhausting. Stop doing things you find exhausting. Let them be who they are. Honor who you are. If your words are misunderstood or not validated, it doesn't matter. YOU DON'T NEED THEIR VALIDATION.

  13. Stop going to things and doing things you don't enjoy because you are afraid you'll hurt someone's feelings by not going. Find something else to do together that you BOTH enjoy.

  14. Don't hold on to toxic friends just because you've been "friends forever." You've grown. If they haven't, that is okay, but if they affect your well-being, you don't have to keep subjecting yourself to it to "keep the peace" with them. This is especially true if you have tried and gotten nowhere.

  15. Which leads into ... stop entertaining friends who are so negative that they literally suck the life from you. It's okay to step back. Even if you are the only person they have left, why be the one who hangs on? Others have set boundaries for the same reason. Why do YOU have to be the punching bag? It's not noble if you are letting them steal your energy. This is their issue to deal with. Not yours.

  16. Stop entertaining people who only come to you when they need help or need to vent.

  17. Stop taking phone calls in where you already know you'll never get to speak.

  18. Stop meeting up with friends who only talk about themselves the whole time. If someone never asks how you are or what you've been up to, it probably means they don't care enough to ask. Find friends who care about you too and aren't all about themselves.

  19. It's okay to not take on or dismiss a client who is disrespectful, pushes boundaries, or is not in alignment with your energy. This does not reflect you as a business woman and it's okay to protect yourself and your business from energies that are not in agreement with your own. Their behavior will speak for itself within the community. No need to worry about your reputation.

  20. Stop worrying about what the community will think in general. You are in charge of your sacred container. You know the truth of every transaction. You know who you are and that you walk in integrity and are a reasonable, kind, and caring person.

  21. Stop allowing others to speak to you like a child because of your soft voice. You are wise. You are knowledeable. You usually know more than they realize. SPEAK UP! This is walking in your own power and wisdom. It's okay to say, "Yes, I know that." There is a difference between being humble and being a doormat for others to assume that you know nothing.

  22. Stop allowing others to interrupt you, correct your words, or give you unsolicited advice about how you speak or behave. This is not okay. It was never okay. Especially if you feel you are being kind and authentic. How others perceive your words is not your problem. Start recognizing that 99% of the time, these are really just projections of THEIR beliefs. This is also an indication that perhaps they simply cannot accept you for who you are.

  23. Start to honor the difference between friends, acquaintances, clients, online followers and even strangers. All are not equal. Start treating them accordingly and allow them to treat you accordingly.

  24. Stop allowing what happened in the past to affect your attitude in the present. Such an energy drain. Let it go.

  25. Stop giving energy and stress to people who steal your work and structure it as their own. This will continue to happen. Get used to it. It's not worth the energy. Try to feel gratitude that they saw you as knowledgeable enough to copy you. Trust that the Universe will support you for your authenticity and for walking in truth.

  26. Stop allowing your haters to cloud your judgement into thinking EVERYONE feels the same way. Don't be afraid to get rid of them as well. There is no need to keep them around and it is entirely okay to dismiss them from your space if they won't dismiss themselves.

  27. Stop letting your fatigue turn you into an unhappy person. Either ask for help, take a break, or let it go.

  28. STOP LETTING OTHERS INVALIDATE YOUR FEELINGS! Only you can validate your own feelings. Second guessing yourself means you aren't accepting yourself and your own emotions. Question who is in your life that is constantly invalidating you though! Stop feeling shameful when you are expressing yourself authentically.

  29. Stop taking back your words. Only take them back if you regret them and they weren't coming from your heart.

  30. Stop caring if people misunderstand you or your intentions. Honestly, I am still working on this one.



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